I see a lot of “Logan is the student council president and valedictorian” and “Logan as a student gets bad grades because he’s bad at tests/can’t be bothered in a school environment/etc.” which are great, and a very interesting and amazing contrast!!! 

But I really don’t see Logan as an “almost” kid.

What I mean by that is, here’s Logan, who’s pretty smart – he likes learning, and he actively pursues the things he’s interested in on his own and at school, and does well there! He’s good at tests, for the most part. He’s bright, and has a lot of potential!!! He’s demotivated sometimes, though; he can’t really make himself do homework in an orderly fashion, so he waits til the last minute, or just turns it in late or not at all, even if it makes him anxious.

And maybe, just maybe, part of that demotivation comes from years and years and years of trying so, so hard – turning things in on time, studying nightly, forcing himself through clumsy projects and confusing tests – and getting an average score. And he can’t quite understand what he’s doing wrong? Is he stupid? No, he knows he’s smart- so what, then?

He tried to do his best, to live up to the potential every adult in his life always tried to goad from him – and yet, he constantly faced high B’s and low A’s. He knows there’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but all he can see are the kids with perfect GPA’s and all-honors graduations and bright futures at great schools, and he can’t help but compare himself to them, because he’s so close

He sees the smiles those kids get from teachers. He sees the “Great Job!” scribbled on their papers, sees their projects put on display. He watches them receive awards for GPA and All-A’s honor roll and scholarships. He doesn’t hate them; he hates himself for not pushing just a little bit harder, for not being able to jump the gap between “good” and “great,” no matter how tiny that gap felt to him. He hates the polite smiles and “Good job!”s and halfhearted praise. He hates feeling overlooked, he hates being on the brink of those bright smiles and brighter futures and missing the bar by a centimeter. He hates reaching for it all…

And always ending up with “almost.” 

Oh mood

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